How did this happen? I talked to her, and now my pen is finally moving.
Occasionally in my writing journey, another writer has offered a bit of advice, suggested a new way of looking at something, or even just added a word, and it has made a life-infusing impact on me and my writing. At times, I’d almost categorize it as magical.
As I’ve reflected back on how other writers have enriched my writing life, I’ve found some themes emerging. Take this very article, for instance. After hovering over my highlighter-marked list of brainstormed writing ideas for ages, I still wasn’t strongly gravitating toward any one of them. I did all those things a writer should do to get the creativity flowing: I journaled, mulled, walked, played piano, read in my genre, read in other genres, wondered about the etymology of genre, and then pored back over my list. At last, an idea crystallized that I felt sure of—go for help.
1. A writer friend may affirm specific writing strengths and joys
It was time to bounce ideas off someone else—someone I trusted with my process. I emailed another writer, my calm and supportive editor. After mentioning that perhaps something in my new Ted Kooser book would inspire me and quicken my pen, I asked, “Is there any kind of post in particular that you would be interested in reading from me?” My editor offered helpful feedback, as usual. In particular, this part helped sharpen my focus: “I think your strongest voice and best pieces come when you are sharing personal stories. You seem most happy writing these pieces, too, so that matters to me also. …”
2. A writer friend’s experiences can reveal new insights
I continued to give the matter serious thought and to then, logically, bake cookies. Three days later, while hand-mixing shortbread dough (after discovering my mixer was out of commission), I listened to Laura Lynn Brown interview Luci Shaw. As I muscled the metal spoon in circles, a certain comment repeated itself back to me.
In the interview, Luci Shaw discusses a variety of writing matters, like the value of getting together with other writers to share their work and exchange critical feedback. At one point, she mentions working on poetry with her son, John, who is also a doctor for a humanitarian agency in Burma. She says, “When he’s in the States, we’ll spend Friday mornings together working on his poems and my poems. So those kinds of friendships, you know, [are] so invaluable. I think I would just lose interest, almost, without some way of running my work past somebody else who understands the process of writing poetry.”
When I started writing, I hoped to somehow encourage or help others feel less alone. But what I realize now is that I need that help as much as anyone. I don’t think I could sustain my writing life without supportive and trusted writer friends. Their nourishing feedback helps make my pages readable. And the magnetic joy and camaraderie that develop from working through dry spells, idea-hunting, and solving word-puzzles together helps draw me back to the page.
3. Trusted writer friends can create comfortable space to share in
I say trusted writing friends since trust feels key to a free and ongoing exchange of ideas. And although I’ve become more objective about processing critique over time, it can still be a bit of a vulnerable moment when I reveal an essay with only half its hair brushed and ask for candid feedback.
But with a “trustie,” the exchange makes for a deepening of our understanding of each other and a richer friendship. And applying their input makes anything I write far more reader-ready. I’m grateful to have several trusties. One is freelance writer and copy-editor, Leah France, a close friend of 13 years who has generously read innumerable rough drafts and given me critical edits and specific encouragements. She also relates to my 90’s-junior high fashion and music references and makes me laugh to the point of tears, which doesn’t hurt. (I bought my daughter a scrunchie the other day, Leah.)
4. Writer friends may offer support in the wider, wilder world
A writing friend in Tennessee is also dear to me. We savor words together by discussing what Ted Kooser poems we’re enjoying and emailing each other updates on what we’re writing (or not). Recently, she sent me this suggestion, “Let’s inform one another when we have posts about to publish, your Tweetspeak writing, etc. I want to support and encourage you on social media!” We share both our celebration milestones and plenty of candid yikes-moments in the writing process. Her support and sense of humor help me relax a bit and not take myself too seriously, both of which help me write with less hindrances.
5. A writer friend can pave new writing paths
Sharing with writer friends has revealed surprises too. I’ve discovered that unpacking with a friend why I cannot write might actually be substantive prewriting work itself. Such a free discussion—with no expectations—can allow us to roam down new forest paths. Sometimes I stumble onto a lit-up runway to take off from. I had no idea this was even here.
It’s like the live active cultures of my friend’s willingness to listen mixes with the lukewarm milk of my blank page, and poof—fresh yogurt.
6. Writer friends support one another’s quietude
During certain phases of writing, I actually don’t share what I’m working on. If I’ve just had a tiny turn in my thought process, a whisper of a new idea, I may go quiet. Possibly, if I’m silent and don’t make any sudden movements, I can track it and see what kind of scene it develops into. Talking about it too soon might collapse that potential snowglobe world. I appreciate how my writing friends support sharing only if it’s helpful.
Although writing is often solitary work, there are plenty of non-starts, something-left-to-be-desired finishes, or spots where something just isn’t sitting right, and I can’t pinpoint it. When I’ve exhausted fistfulls of strategies alone, then what?
7. Writer friends let each other test the waters
In August, I chatted in a group message with my fellow Poetry Barista writing friends, Donna Falcone and Sandra Heska King. I wrote, “That Luci Shaw interview was fascinating. A part of what she said snagged on me and hasn’t let go. … I might end up incorporating/riffing a bit on that in my next TSP piece. Possibly. We’ll see.” I wasn’t completely sure if I was on to something or not, and wondered if I would just sound like a repeat of other articles on similar themes.
Donna encouraged me about the idea, and we three chatted about sharing ideas you feel “questionmarky” about, how individual perspective can make a piece new, and about workshopping and receiving feedback.
8. Writer friends offer encouragement and important perspective
At one point in the conversation, Sandra said, ” … There’s a little voice in the back of my head that says if you need to change something, it wasn’t that good to begin with. I know that’s wrongo-pongo. But still it speaks. … ” She added in a later email, “Even Luci [Shaw] needs friends to help workshop her writing.”
I responded that I was glad she called out that nagging thought about edits, to bring it into the light so it would lose some of its bullying power. Honestly, I don’t know any writer—brilliant or not—who can write final drafts first.
Donna added, “It sure can rattle one’s confidence when our inner bully starts shooting spitballs. I think we have to be careful how we use the word ‘good.’ It can be a real buzzkill.”
With the final nudge I needed to get moving, Sandra wrote, “So I really think you should write that piece about workshopping and writer friends and editing and encouragement, Bethany.”’
Thank you, writer friends. I’m sending this off to the editor now.
Discussion Questions
1. How do other writers affect your flow of words?
2. Can you think of times where their input or listening ear did something to your writing process you couldn’t do alone?
3. How does the involvement of other writers in your process work?
Photo by JFXie, Creative Commons license via Flickr. Post by Bethany Rohde. All quotes shared with permission, with small edits for clarity.
- Postcards from Burrow & Meadow · No. 4 Seeing - February 16, 2023
- Postcards from Burrow & Meadow · No. 3 Listening - February 10, 2022
- Postcards from Burrow & Meadow · No. 2 Staying - May 13, 2021
Laura Brown says
“… wondered about the etymology of genre …” 🙂
I love it that something in that podcast interview was so rich for you.
Bethany Rohde says
Your interview with Luci Shaw is jam-packed with goodies, Laura. I’m grateful I got to listen to it.
Thank you for reading my article and leaving your response. 🙂
Maureen says
Reading this, I think of the time I first became aware – how many years ago now? – of that Twitter poetry party that led me to L.L. and, eventually, others such as Marcus and Glynn and Tania, and still later to L.W. and Sandra and Donna and Laura, some of whom I’ve since met in person, all of whom have become friends in much more than a virtual sense. A community that had its foundations in a non-physical space is now an established community of writers who genuinely have each other’s back, celebrate the beauty that successful writing brings into our world, encourage with gentle honesty, relieve the solitude that writers can’t help but know. All this was an unexpected gift, akin to being encircled by hands joined in love. Who could ever ask for more?
Sandra Heska King says
Maureen, you have been a great source of encouragement to me. Thank you.
Bethany Rohde says
Oh, Maureen, thank you for sharing your experience with the TSP community. You’ve put it beautifully. 🙂
I am also grateful for this cozy, yet open-armed, community of writers and readers. 🙂
Michelle Ortega says
Oh, oh,”half of it’s hair brushed…” One of the most delightful images I’ve ever read!!
I completely agree with your editor friend, who enjoys the stories of your personal experience. I connect with this piece in every paragraph! Just as in day-to-day living, we need writer friends to travel our written roads with us perhaps even more!
Brava, Bethany!! ❤️
Bethany Rohde says
Thank you for reading this and leaving your response, Michelle! I’m delighted you found yourself connecting with it. Looking forward to what you write next.
Sandra Heska King says
“Half of its hair brushed.”
And this: “It’s like the live active cultures of my friend’s willingness to listen mixes with the lukewarm milk of my blank page, and poof—fresh yogurt.”
And “logically, bake cookies.” Of course.
These are great tips, Bethany. There is such encouragement in this place.
Bethany Rohde says
Thank you, Sandra. 🙂 I’m grateful I have friends like you to help me get those words out there.
Donna Falcone says
“I continued to give the matter serious thought and to then, logically, bake cookies.”
I am hoping that your family does not start trying to derail your writing in order to instigate more cookie baking! 😉 No, they wouldn’t…. would they? No. I’m sure no. Probably.
This is a great piece. Lot’s of wisdom. Thinking about Question #3 – Involving others: I have a writing buddy who lives way up in New England. I recently sent a piece that seemed finished… but there is just something “off” about it. I couldn’t put my finger on it. She saw it immediately and came back with “I love this part…. what if you moved it up to the very beginning and then just didn’t change a thing?” So, I tried it. That little bit of concrete feedback transformed the entire feel of the piece. I didn’t have to rebuild the whole house – just move a chair!
Bethany Rohde says
Good point about the baking, Donna. I’ll have to be aware of discouraging feedback that somehow dovetails into questions like, “Do we even have butter?”
Thank you for all your help with my writing and process, and for reading this.
I love what you shared about asking a friend to look over your piece. Only moving a chair—what a relief! Delighted to read this. 🙂
Donna says
You are so funny! Lol do we even have butter?
Sandra Heska King says
“I didn’t have to rebuild the whole house – just move a chair!”
Amazing what a fresh pair of eyes can see. We all need a writing decorator. That picture doesn’t work there. What if you tried a different paint color on the wall. Let’s add a crystal bowl on this shelf…
Bethany says
A writing decorator! 🙂
Donna Falcone says
Lol I’m going to start calling her my WD!
L.L. Barkat says
In a world where every writing street corner is hawking how-to’s, I find this to be a ticklishly refreshing piece. Your voice is warm, inviting, honest, unique—and quietly hilarious. You show us the “life” side of writing, which I believe is perhaps even more important than the craft side (even though I’m an avid fan of what I call “practicing in a direction.”)
Thanks for taking the time to bring this to us, cookies and all. 🙂
Bethany Rohde says
L.L., thank you, this means a lot to me.
I like your perspective on the craft side as, “practicing in a direction.” It brings more focus (and therefore hope of success) to a grand task that might feel overwhelming to some.
L.L. Barkat says
One of the best bits of advice I ever got was from a writer who had over 36 books to her published name. She said, “Write small. When you can do that well, move on to bigger things.”
That was her version of “practice in a direction.” She meant that people should try to perfect single paragraphs, blurbs, very short poems, as a way to hone their skills.
I always loved that idea. And I think there are many interesting variations we can come up with, where we’re trying to just accomplish (and master) one thing at a time. Beginnings, endings, funny lines, and so on and so on.
(I do believe you’ve mastered the humorous line. It would be fun to think about the anatomy of those—why they are working so well. I know I could learn from it. 🙂 )
Bethany Rohde says
I really appreciate that and am glad the humor comes through. (You never know exactly how the words will land.) I have to say too, my editor has a wonderful sense of humor and was certainly helpful in improving this piece. 🙂
Thank you for passing on that writer’s excellent advice. It helps to just focus on making one dish well instead of the whole feast.
Laurie Klein says
Bethany, I like this little glimpse of how you and your trusties mutually vamoose the unproductive: “that nagging thought about edits, to bring it into the light so it would lose some of its bullying power.”
And this image: “It’s like the live active cultures of my friend’s willingness to listen mixes with the lukewarm milk of my blank page, and poof—fresh yogurt.”
Bethany, thank you for gracing my screen today with delight and thoughtful observations and humor and quotes from writers and artists I admire—you being one of them. 🙂
You remind me, too, how rich I’ve become, over time, in the “magnetic joy and camaraderie” of writers, and how often I would have quit had it not been for their priceless input and encouragement.
Bethany Rohde says
Yes, their input and support is powerful, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your response here, Laurie. So good to hear from you. 🙂