When I was small–whatever age it was that afforded me the luxury of riding around in the back seat with no more obligation but to look out the windows, and this, of course, was a request from the front seat in an effort to stave off the inevitable car sickness that came with that luxurious back seat riding around–I imagine I asked my share of questions about any number of things I might have seen outside my window.
On one such drive around the Twin Cities area, I saw a billboard for an ice cold glass of milk. As best as I remember it, the sign featured a lovely woman’s hand holding a carton of milk. As is typical for me, I remember the ad far better than I remember the brand, so I can’t tell you whose name was on the side of the carton looming high above our little red 1971 Toyota Corolla wagon somewhere between Point A and Point B on I-35W. The woman–or at least her disembodied hand–was pouring a tall, clear glass full of milk. And I had a question: how could so much milk be pouring out of the carton (as though it were tipped nearly to a right angle) when it was barely tipped at all?
It may have been true that my parents were weary of a car-sick question-asker in the back seat, but I like to think instead that they were the sort of smart people who knew what to do with questions: take them a step further. So rather than giving me an answer on their own (which they may have suspected would only lead to more questions), they suggested I write a letter to the Naegele Advertising Company, as it was called in those days, and ask the advertising executives instead of my parents. So I did.
Not long after, I received a letter back from someone at Naegele who was tasked with answering pesky questions from elementary school kids who knew nothing about physics but who could tell you any day of the week how far a guy has to tip a milk carton before it spills. The answer was honest and taught me more about the advertising business than physics: the carton looked better and the brand name was more readable if it was upright, he said, so it was done with “trick photography” (what we used to call the hocus pocus of film before Photoshop was born). The sign company rep was only half right, of course, but I didn’t send a follow up letter to point that out. The brand name may have been more readable from the back seat of a Toyota wagon speeding along at 60 miles an hour or so, but an upright carton gushing milk like the cat knocked it over didn’t look better. It looked ridiculous.
In A More Beautiful Question, author and master questioner Warren Berger considers why children ask so many questions (and perhaps more importantly, why they stop). He cites child psychologist Paul Harris who claims that “a child asks about forty thousand questions between ages two and five.” Assuming I asked the average number of questions, it’s a good thing my parents did not encourage me to write letters for each one, though perhaps this could now (with other people’s children) be a potential solution to the financial woes of the postal system.
Berger suggests that this rapid-fire questioning is at least in part related to the rapid brain growth occurring in young minds, by which one could conclude that as that brain growth becomes less rapid, the need for questions diminishes as well. But he also observes that the slowdown in questioning appears to coincide with the start of school, and raises challenging questions as to whether the way that classrooms are currently structured serves to curtail children’s natural curiosity and willingness to ask questions. One of the conclusions Berger reaches is that traditional classrooms tend to focus on providing information (answers), often before the need (expressed as a question) arises. And as he notes from the research of math teacher Dan Meyer, “if a student thinks of a question him/herself, it is likely to be of more interest than someone else’s question.”
When I studied foreign languages, a significant threshold was crossed when I began to “think” in that language. And around here at Tweetspeak Poetry, you may have heard someone talk about “thinking in poems.” In his book, Berger champions the notion of “thinking in questions, ” an outcome of a process of learning to ask questions developed by the Right Question Institute which focuses not on answers, nor on debate over challenging questions. Rather, the process focuses simply on asking questions, making the questions better, prioritizing the questions, deciding how to act on the questions, and reflecting on what they’ve learned. The success the folks at RQI are seeing with both youth and adults seems to answer the question posed by Berger in Chapter Two: “Can we teach ourselves to question?”
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We’re reading Warren Berger’s A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas together this month and invite you to read along. We invite you to share your thoughts, observations, and better yet, your questions in the comment box. Here are some questions to get you started:
Why do you think we “outgrow” asking questions?
What if we stopped giving answers and started asking more questions?
How could we encourage questioning in our daily conversations?
What if we tipped the milk carton on its side?
If you saw our A More Beautiful Question book club announcement post, you know that the author offered to stop by and answer questions you might have, so feel free to drop a question for Warren Berger in the comments, and we’ll ping him on Twitter to let him know we’re here, and invite him into the conversation.
Planned reading schedule for A More Beautiful Question:
March 11: Chapter 1 • The Power of Inquiry and Chapter 2 • Why We Stop Questioning
March 18: Chapter 3 • The Why, What If, and How of Innovative Questioning
March 25: Chapter 4 • Questioning in Business
April 1: Chapter 5 • Questioning for Life
Photo by Pratham Books, Creative Commons license via Flickr. Post by LW Lindquist.
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Donna says
This book is so thought provoking that I am continuously distracted from it by questions that arise as I go along…. and I leave the kindle page for a google search time and time again. Consequently, it’s taking a lot longer than I expected to read. 🙂
Why might we outgrow questions? Do we, really, or might they tend to go underground when we learn to work within our own internalized thoughts? If a question falls in the forest and no one is there is it still a question? Sometimes I think our temperaments play a huge role in how we express curiousity and can lead us to a voracious quest for answers to questions we never ask out loud.
So, is it possible that the cessation of endless “whys” can sometimes be due to temperament and a more private style of investigation?
Will Willingham says
This is a fascinating question. I know I ask myself countless questions every day that I don’t express aloud, and I wonder, now that you mention it, if that ‘counts’ as asking. 😉 Though it seems to me it would, if those questions that we internalize lead to further pursuit. 🙂
Donna Z Falcone says
I think it counts, too! Isn’t wondering another kind of questioning? 😉 I wonder? LOL!
Putting on my Early Childhood Hat now… (ahhhh that feels good). Children and infants question through hypothesis testing… they aren’t even cosnscious of it most of the time but it’s how they find their balance when their abilities fall short of their needs… it’s how they learn to walk, making internal adjustments every time they fall… falling is very important. Which brings me to another question. Maybe this kind of hypothesis testing paves the way for future questioning of different types? So maybe preventing every fall or pinched finger or horrible flavor on the tongue is taking away that ‘need’ which a child uses…kind of like a rung on the ladder… So maybe sometimes people stop asking questions because they have not experienced reasonable risks and solution finding on their own.
Oh gee this raises so many more questions. See what I mean? This book is like … well … it’s like the finger OUT Of the dam.
Maureen Doallas says
I agree with LW that your question is a fascinating one, Donna.
Is asking questions innate?
I think Warren Berger’s book points out how we can use questioning to move closer to what we want or need, that is, that the method has results-producing applications, but I wonder, as you do, to what extent “natural curiosity” determines whether or not certain people do or don’t ask questions.
I do think we might be able to say environment is a factor. A child who’s never answered or told to stop asking so many questions would learn soon enough the lack of reward for doing so. The outcome would be different where a parent or other important person in a child’s life takes up the child’s questions and investigates them alongside the child, or even asks questions for the child to consider further.
Donna Z Falcone says
Ah, I couldn’t agree more. I think environment is a powerful influence on each persons public and private self expression – questions included.
Donna Z Falcone says
Shame is stronger than tape.
Maureen Doallas says
Your questions are what prompted me to ask if there’s been a fMRI study showing brain activity when different kinds of questions are asked.
Donna Z Falcone says
I think all of the above. Teasing seems to fit into each reason you mention, too. The interesect, I think.
Teasing seems innocent enough I suppose (if one is unconscious to its impact), but we did a lot of work with our teachers about teasing and how it damages a child’s ability to participate because they don’t even understand it. It just hurts. And it shuts them up.
Will Willingham says
And that raises its own question: why does a person shame another for asking a question?
Is it simple annoyance? Is it that a person feels that not knowing an answer says something about him? Is it a means of using knowledge to dominate?
🙂
Will Willingham says
That would be fascinating to look at, Maureen, and one of the first questions I would have is how the questions are distinguished — what criteria makes a question open-ended, etc.
And I don’t know how they’d begin to study this, but for adults or children who have been conditioned to hear questions as something other than inquiries — where the questions themselves are used to accuse or silence — how the brain responds to even the ‘better’ questions when trained to take a defensive posture in response to them.
Maureen Doallas says
I like how you were able to tie a childhood experience to the book’s content and then bring it around to “thinking in poems”.
The constant questioner can have a tough time of it.
Having worked years in a company that did not prize the person who asked “why”, I quickly learned how important is was to reframe, so that “why” became “What if we…?” and “How might this work …?”
A question for Warren Berger: Since your book’s publication, what have you observed specifically about the way inquiry has changed (been reframed, perhaps), particularly in business settings or schools?
I’m also curious to know: Has anyone done studies via fMRI that reveal what happens in people’s brains when they are asked different kinds of questions and, if yes, how are the results of the studies being applied?
Donna Z Falcone says
The constant questioner can have a tough time of it. Wow, you said a mouthful, Maureen! I love how you learned to reframe as a tool for still asking your questions. 😉 I like your question about different kinds of questions, too. I’m going to poke around. Fascinating.
And, I love your stories about your childhood. It blows me away that you remember them so vividly, too. That your parents decided to give you that advice – to take your question to the source – is remarkable! They were helping you navigate from a point of power, I think. Your voice – it mattered to them that you learned how to trust it and got used to hearing it in the presence of others – even authority – even the mind behind the billboards! Whoa. Pretty cool. You also had to wait for the answer. I like that. 🙂 I also love that he replied to you… it makes me happy for little you. 🙂
Will Willingham says
The funny thing, Donna, is that while getting the letter back from Naegele felt important, I do remember thinking the guy’s answer was a bit of hooey.
Appears perhaps my jaded adjuster personality started earlier than we first thought. 😉
Donna Z Falcone says
I love that about you… seems your ability to spot hooey began at a very young age. Why do you think that is? Do you remember if you told your parents it was hooey? The reason I ask is because I think that freedom to think critically and disagree with someone considered an authority is critical to being free to question all the way down the line.
And so my first statement seems counter intuitive… maybe we are all pretty good hooey detectors from a young age and that gets supressed, maybe in direct relation to our questions going underground (in a fear based way, not a temperament or style based way).
Will Willingham says
Though the book favors the questions “why, how, what if,” I think it reflects on a different type of why question. That is, “why” can come out as such an accusatory thing, even when it doesn’t mean to be, so the reframing as “how” and “what if” is important, I think.
I’m reminded of the question parents so often ask kids who have done something they were not supposed to: Why did you draw in crayon on the wall? Why did you put rocks in your sister’s ears?
As a parent I learned fairly early on that there was no satisfactory answer to that question (even if they answered honestly, which is difficult for a child to do in such circumstances). So I started asking different questions of them (or, if I was in no mood to be reasonable, no questions at all).
Maureen Doallas says
I wonder if the person who invented clear and colored dry-erase or chalkboard paint, which is also good in conference rooms, was moved to do so because of having a child who marked on walls. And if there are studies that show employees produce more ideas when they’re in a room that gives them space to draw out their ideas.
Maureen Doallas says
Warren Berger left a note on Twitter (@GlimmerGuy) inviting Book Club to join in Twitter discussion around QuestionWeek this week.
questionweek.com
Jody Lee Collins says
Last weekend I spent three days with my grandchildren and the 5 year old consistently asked the same question, “What if…..?” “What if we lived in a house made of glass, Nana? What if we ate trees for breakfast? What if we could fly, Nana?”
I’m sure that’s how dreams and ideas are born….by asking the what if questions.
His manner inspired me–so has this. Thank you.
Will Willingham says
The asking of “what if” gets squashed out of some people when they’re pretty young. It’s like being told that the possible realms to which the mind could travel on the fuel of “what if” ends up being a set-up to disappointment, so it’s better not to dream.
Elizabeth W. Marshall says
My children have placed limits on my question-asking. They ration them. (what role reversal!! Geesh).
They like three as a limit. I ask and prod and pry and inquire. And they say Mom, stop, that is enough. (I may go on and on if they did not playfully ask me to stop)
Some thoughts on question asking, from one who is a bit OCD and excessive in her asking. (from a friend, of course wink)
1. When I was a child my parents, perhaps teasing me too harshly said “You ask, but you never wait for the answer.” I think my mind just liked to send the question missives out into the world.
2. With my children, I ask because I care and love and want to know. And this seems like a starting point for dialogue. I want a dialogue and I must start it….often questions seem the best “convo starter”.
3. I think questioning is a sign of being alive. When we stop ( the royal we) or when I stop)asking, then a type of death sneaks in. Learning is living. Questioning is learning. And who among us is at peace with not knowing the answer to that burning question.
4. I am “guilty” of also asking rhetorical questions. You may now have pity on my family and friends. But in a sort of confessional mode, I feel it is in my hard wiring…. there may not be much hope for undoing the wiring which causes me to question.
5. This book is fascinating and so are your questions. I am thrilled to be in this book club. Donna love yours especially.
Now, I must end with a question.
Does allowing ourselves a spirit of questioning, a sense of wonder, preserve “childhood” for us. Keep us from feeling old, stale and tired”. Love this quote from the book: ” Another way to think of it is that as we increasingly find ourselves surrounded by the new, the unfamiliar and the unknown, we’re experiencing something not unlike early childhood. Everywhere we turn, there’s something to wonder and inquire about.”
to quote, is it Neil Young, “May you stay forever young.”
Perhaps questions are akin to youthfulness. And we all strive to regain youthfulness in some aspect of our lives and selves.
Putting a lid on a thought fueled by inquiry seems to dampen the heart of who we are as humans, creatives and wondering wanderers.
Thanks, beautiful post.
Will Willingham says
This is a great question: how does asking questions keep us young?
Or, how does reluctance to ask questions stunt our growth?
From what your parents said, it sounds like you’d do swimmingly in the RQI process he outlines in the book, just throwing out questions without answering or debating them. 😉
Maureen Doallas says
There are several threads in the discussion:
– Childhood experience as questioner and its effect/influence on our questioning activity as we age
(By extension, this would seem to apply to brainstorming activity in our organizations and businesses. Some people (e.g., see McKinsey & Co. study) posit that brainstorming doesn’t work if you don’t start out by asking better questions than are typically asked. As creative activity, then, a lot of questions about organizational success come to mind if you don’t know the right questions or can’t figure out how to ask better ones.)
– Questioning as inherent or hard-wired – nature v nurture or curiosity honed from survival instinct versus learned or taught behavior
– Questioning as icebreaking (i.e., means to communicating or trying to start a conversation and then keep it going)
Elizabeth Marshall says
Perhaps the annoyance comes into play because an answer requires work on the receivers’end. Often we don’t have the energy, knowledge or stamina to stay.in the ring with the questioner.
Often the question requires us to ‘deal’ with a subject we are either uncomfortable with or not knowledgeable in.
I always find it intetesting how often Jesus answered questions with a question. One day perhaps the answer will come.
Manish says
“Listen. If I have known beauty
let’s say I came to it
asking …” poet Phyllis Webb
Norma Gordon says
Hello! I am planning a book study with math educators – did you compile your generated list of questions?
Will Willingham says
Hi Norma,. What a wonderful study you are planning. 🙂 I don’t believe we ever created the list as the discussion just didn’t end up going in a direction that facilitated it. Sorry not to be able to help out there, but best wishes on the discussion. 🙂