The bookshelves my dad made for me sit nearly empty on each side of the front window in the home I now share with my new husband and stepsons.
At times over the past few years, those shelves have been nearly full, crammed with hard- and soft-back volumes of novels and commentaries and memoirs and spiritual non-fiction. There have been years, I’ll admit it, when my book budget definitely exceeded my clothing budget, and possibly rivaled what I spent on food. To encounter a book is to love it—that’s often been my guiding principle.
So every time I walked through a book store or passed a book table at a conference or lecture, if there was cash in my wallet or a credit card reader near the entrance, I left with a bound copy.
When I met my husband a few months back, his love of reading was part of the attraction. We had read many of the same books—just last month we practically raced each other to the end of Glynn Young’s A Light Shining, and we now are able to recommend works to each other. Since he has a Nook and I have a Kindle, we recently discovered that we could each download the other app onto our iPhones and easily share those books too.
I didn’t understand, then, why when it came time to plan my move to his house from mine that I knew I had to get rid of most of my books.
Steve didn’t ask me to do that. He wouldn’t. He would gladly have helped me pack each book in the little U-Haul boxes I purchased. He would have carried the boxes, two at a time, from the van to the living room. He would even have helped me unpack them, except he would have known that I had a plan for that, that I would want to organize them myself.
Steve didn’t ask me to leave my books behind.
The real reason wasn’t clear to me, either, as I grabbed books from the shelves, handfuls at a time, and bagged them up to take to a local book resale shop. When I wheeled in the 10 bags, the employees’ eyes widened. “It will take about 25 minutes to give you an estimate, ” one man told me. “We’ll call your name.”
Thirty minutes later when I was still wondering aimlessly through the store, I ambled closely by the counter. The young lady looking through my books, my precious books, still had three bags left. Twenty minutes later, I left with $90. I was amazed at how much they gave me.
Don’t tell the employees at Half Price Books, but I would have paid to have someone take them. Really, the books in those bags were worth thousands. I just didn’t want to throw them away.
I had read most of the books in those bags. I had learned and grown from them. Several of them had been loaned and returned; some of them had been gifts. Some of them I might have read again had they remained in my collection. But most of them had been read once and then sat on a shelf. For years. With no chance of being read again. Unless they were sold.
Books are who I am–I am the sum total of every book I have read. But if I am to grow further, if I am to continue to be, then I have to make room for new books. There has to be room in my life for more information, more facts, and most of all, more stories–stories that aren’t even written yet.
And in this season, when everything is changing—starting with my name and address, but also down into my soul—now seemed like a good time to make room for new books.
I took only six boxes of books to my new house. Now unpacked and set on the shelves, there’s still room for twice as many more. Over time, I expect that many will find their way there, if not on my Kindle.
And the expectation of that emptiness has completely filled me up.
Photo by swanksalot. Creative Commons license via Flickr. Post by Charity Singleton Craig.
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Glynn says
Thanks for the mention of A Light Shining. And Michael Kent thanks you, too.
Charity Singleton Craig says
Glynn – My whole family loves Michael Kent and those wonderful books of yours. Four generations of us so far!
Maureen Doallas says
Lovely post, Charity. I recognize in you a kindred spirit.
After my son outgrew all the children’s books he’d read or that we’d read together, we went through them and donated more than 300 to the elementary school he had attended. As they were like new, the school was thrilled. We still had scores left. I couldn’t part with some of the titles, Eric Carle’s among them. I still read those, just to remember….
Charity Singleton Craig says
That’s a wonderful story, Maureen. I actually still had several of my childhood books among the ones I gave away. I think I had always saved them for my own children someday. Once I married and have stepsons that are too old, I knew they had to go. I had to release all the other alternative futures and embrace the one I was entering into to. I passed along my Little House and the Prairie collection to a friends’ kids, though. It seemed right.
Megan Willome says
Charity, I so totally get this. I think what you did was brave.
Charity Singleton Craig says
That’s how it felt, Megan. Brave. Like I was doing something really courageous. It’s a scary thing to say no to some stories in favor of others.
L. L. Barkat says
Oh, oh.
(Please don’t tell me what books you kept. The author in me already feels anxious about that 🙂
Because, you know, the books have a relationship with you too, though you don’t know it. I wonder if that is why you felt oddly compelled to leave them behind?
I’m so curious about all this. I feel you have just touched the surface. (No worries. I’ll not be asking you to do more. Just a curiosity within me 🙂
Charity Singleton Craig says
The complete L.L. Barkat collection is still firmly intact and holding a place of honor on my shelf. The Glynn Young collection has it’s honored spot in my Kindle. There are actually several T.S. Poetry books scattered on those shelves, too.
On your point about leaving books behind and just scratching the surface, I know you are right. In fact, I think there’s a bigger story in what I kept. The theology books I saved and the ones I released tell an interesting story in how my view of God has changed over the past 20 years. And that’s just one area. Interestingly, I still have every one of the Madeleine L’Engle books that I ever bought. She has characterized the whole of my life in some very unique way.
L. L. Barkat says
you weren’t supposed to tell me that.
But of course I am so happy to hear it 😉 (I am still loved by Charity! 🙂 )
Fascinating, on the potential bigger story. I suppose you should write that for someone somewhere too.
Charity Singleton Craig says
Yes, I think I will write that other story someday. Maybe soon. I think it’s the story I am living right now, actually.
Ann Kroeker says
As you know, my friend, I have a hard time letting go of books, and to accommodate, I ask my dear husband to build another shelf. 🙂
However, even I have begun to run each title through a mental/emotional filter, trying to discern if a book fits certain parameters to earn the right to take up shelf space. Let’s see if I can think through those mental questions:
* Will I need it as a resource again for myself?
* Will I need it as a resource while educating my kids at home?
* Will my kids want to take it with them into adulthood, for their own homes?
* Do I think I might read this again or want to share it with someone?
* Is this book particularly difficult to find used? (I have several of those–they are either difficult to find or expensive to replace)
* If I haven’t read it yet, do I want to read it?
I might have other driving questions, but those answered “Yes” would compel me to keep the book.
Obviously, the converse of some of those questions (or the answer “no”) might free me to release it into the world in some way, by giving it away, leaving it in the laundry room at a campground, selling it, etc.
I suspect that the abundance of books in my home suggests I’ve got some reading to do; other other thing happening is that I’m passing along my love of reading to my kids, and their own collections are building. Six people amassing books?
We still need a lot of shelves. 🙂
Ann Kroeker says
So many other questions: did this transform my thinking on something? Did it emotionally floor me? Would I use this as model/sample writing for the writing class I teach?
I still have so many reasons to hold onto books, at least a little longer.
We’ve never moved, and our house is spacious. That may be part of the reason we tend to keep them.
Charity Singleton Craig says
Ann – I don’t think my book purge represents a new trend for me or anything. I think it was a necessary transition. I’ve already amassed several new books in the two and a half months I’ve lived here. Plus, I pulled the boys’ books over onto my shelves. I have feeling they’ll be brimming again, and then I’ll be coming back here and pulling out that list you just made. It’s a great one!
Sandra Heska King says
This made me hyperventilate.
Charity Singleton Craig says
Me too, my friend. Me too.
laura says
I love what Laura said about the books having a relationship with you. And I am so taken by this part of a new beginning, Charity. Making room for new stories, indeed.
Charity Singleton Craig says
I have to admit that I tried to not “clean them out” too hard, hoping that little bits of me – receipts, bookmarks, notes, a stray card from a friend I tucked between the pages – might continue one. In perhaps an over-anthropomorphism, I rather hope they miss me as much as I miss them. But expect they are enjoying their new lives and new homes. (Oh, I feel a story coming on from that very thought!)
Diana Trautwein says
Lawdy, lawdy, Charity. You are one brave woman. But then I knew that. I gave away most of my heavy-duty commentaries/history/pastoral books – they are now lining the empty shelves in our long hallway at church. But I still have way too many at home. Trying to cram 14 years worth of ministry, spread out over a lovely, large office with tons of shelves, into my very small study with only two shelves?? Hasn’t worked out yet – and I’m two+ years into this switch. Sigh.
Charity Singleton Craig says
Diana – I have to think that we keep books and give them away in our own time. I did a much smaller purge a couple of years ago when I was cleaning out my spare bedroom for my sister to move in. At that time, I got rid of maybe two boxes of books and I thought I would never get over it. Books I clung to so tightly at that time were easily tossed into the boxes this time. I also got rid of a few books I never got around to reading. That used to be anathema to me. Now it just seemed obvious. Your books and shelves will sort themselves out eventually. In their time – and yours.
Marilyn Yocum says
But what did you do with the bookcase your father made you? That’s the question I’m puzzling over here. I need to part with a bookcase, but am sentimentally attached to the all. 🙂
Charity Singleton Craig says
Marilyn – Oh, I didn’t get rid of them. They fit perfectly on each side of my new front window in what we now call the reading room. (Used to be a long, scarcely furnished living room.) Those shelves have given new life to the room, and occasionally, I find one of the boys sitting in there doing something quiet. (Of course I also sometimes find foam bullets and small plastic guns in there, but oh well. It’s getting used.) And I have big plans for all the new books that will fill those shelves. There was one smaller book shelf my dad made for me in college though that I sent home with him. It will get new life with one of my younger sisters or in my niece’s play room.
yvonne says
Thank you for this – a great reminder that life doesn’t stand still. I’m going to clean out my overloaded bookshelves this weekend.
Linda P says
I know what you are saying. Hubs and I have many, many books, especially since he is a pastor/professor. We haven’t gone to Kindle or Nook, mostly because of finances, and I worry that our volumes will be lost if the tech stuff is broken or lost. I guess you could say that I am a tactile person. I also worry that we are keeping too many volumes that we will never read again. I guess it boils down to a need for organization and the culling process, like you write about!
Charity Singleton Craig says
Linda – Thanks for your comment. Yes, most book shelves I’ve seen could use a little organization to make them useful. After I purged so many volumes, my organization method became obvious, and it was so much simpler than I needed when I had four times the books. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all could bring our culled books for a giant book exchange?