I’m not normal. I’ve never developed a sweet tooth I couldn’t satisfy with something savory. I’m not one of the 52 percent of adult Americans who like chocolate best, and though I’m way over 18, I cannot admit to consuming 25 pounds of candy every year. I’ve been known to break open a bag of Candy Corn at Halloween, pop some Jelly Beans at Easter, but never touch Fairy Floss, better known as Cotton Candy. Still, I can appreciate why the Aztec considered chocolate an aphrodisiac. Just think of the sacrifices they made after experiencing that first rush of love!
Our National Chocolate Day has come and gone but it’s never too late to candy a few words in honor of National Poetry Month. Maybe the best thing about my contribution to the genre known as candy bar poems is this: it’s nonfat, guaranteed to be calorie-free.
Hershey’s Got No Baby Ruth
Hershey went looking
for his Peppermint Patty,
convinced only she could be
his LifeSaver. No Dum Dum,
he was ready, willing, and able
to go all the way to Mars and back
to bring home a little Bit-o-Honey.
He’d show her Good and Plenty,
climb the highest Almond Mounds,
gladly strip off a 100 Grand
to run a hand through her
Cotton Candy hair. He’d waited so
long, too long, to be her Atomic Fire Ball.
Patty’s tastes, alas, ran more
to 3 Musketeers and Lemonheads.
She loved them for their Whoppers,
the way their Chunky Singles’ bodies
would sway to the Charleston Chew nightly
at the Heath Bar. How they’d get down
and dirty doing Rolo’s famous Tootsie Roll!
But a Sugar Daddy Hershey refused
to be. He’d long ago tired of tending Peeps
After Eight, settling his Sweetarts’ Skittles,
giving his time to Smarties whose Snickers
behind his hard if hairy back left him a cold
and not so Jolly Rancher. To hit PayDay,
he’d have to dispense with these Hot Tamales.
Besides, it was true, what his mother
always said: You won’t find
your Mary Jane hanging with Mr. Goodbar!
So, no more Hot Lix at his side, Hershey
Jelly-Bellied up to the Symphony Bar,
ordered double Doves with a side of Twix,
noticed how even Junior Mints could mix
with Ghiradelli, their eyes intense, big
as DOTS, their figures slender as Twizzlers,
not one Sour Punch in the bunch.
No Airheads, no Goobers, no Nerds feeding
Nutrageous appetites. Just a room full
of sweet Almond Joys, cool Ricola singing her aria
to the sounds of Original Herb, and sunny-faced
Kit-Kat eyeing Nestle’s Crunch, his caramel arms
all rippling muscle. The Almond King himself
couldn’t want for more Amazin’ Fruit in one place.
Italian imports? They’re the best, Hershey overheard
her say, her voice dark as licorice. Turning, facing
her, feeling Perugina’s breathy, minty coolness
on his neck, he just knew. He couldn’t miss Starbursts
in her eyes, the way she wrapped herself around
his Butterfinger, covered him with Kisses,
all the while whispering, O Henry! Let’s just Take 5.
Photo by Jose Manuelerre. Creative Commons, via Flickr. Post by Maureen Doallas, author of Neruda’s Memoirs: Poems
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Buy a year of Every Day Poems, just $5.99— Read a poem a day, become a better poet. In April we’re exploring the theme Candy.
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- Healing with Poetry: Interview with Fred Foote (Part 3) - September 10, 2015
L. L. Barkat says
So, when you eat your chocolate, it comes with rosemary and sage flavoring? 😉
Loved the poem. And somebody on Facebook declared a resultant Baby Ruth. 🙂
Maureen Doallas says
Usually with a little hot pepper by way of the Aztecs.
Better that somebody than I.
Simply Darlene says
OH my land! I love this… even though as an insulin-dependent diabetic, I’ve never been a candy-eater either.
My husband is in love with Almond Rocca, almost as much as with me.
Thank you Maureen. So fun. I hope my connection gets good enough to hear you read it. 😉
Blessings.
Violet says
Maureen, you’re amazing! My sugar high for the day.
Maureen Doallas says
Darlene, do we get to know what the chimp does with his Easter basket? Poetically, that is.
Violet, I won’t tell you how many pounds I put on in the service of poetry-writing.
Thank you for reading and commenting! Happy Easter!
Megan Willome says
I love, love, love this!
Since it’s National Poetry Month, my daughter is doing a poetry notebook, and she’s miserable. I try to tell her that poetry can be fun, but fun poetry does not get points in public school. This, my dear, is a fun poem.
Maureen Doallas says
Chimp – if not a new form, at least a poetry challenge prompt! (Robert Lee Brewer over at Writer’s Digest is good at creating new poetry forms. Maybe we should call on him to see the parameters.)
LW Willingham says
I wonder if chimp will become a new poetry form.
Maureen, this was wonderful. And hearing you read it added calories.
… cool Ricola singing her aria.
Maureen Doallas says
Megan, fun poetry does not get points?! There outta be a law! Is your daughter allowed to write a found poem? The Phillips Museum is running a found poetry challenge (via its The Experiment Station blog). I just submitted a poem (perhaps a little risque for public school) using text from one of the museum’s Web pages. Maybe your daughter could be inspired by looking at the art on the Web pages.
LW, Ricola and Original Herb may be the lightest sweets in this confection. Glad you enjoyed the audio!
Monica Sharman says
Maureen, I love it. This is the part I liked best:
“whose Snickers
behind his hard if hairy back left him a cold
and not so Jolly Rancher.”
Kimberlee Conway Ireton says
I’m with Megan: this is a fun poem! Yay for candy! Yay for you for managing to incorporate so much candy into one poem!
Maureen Doallas says
Monica and Kimberlee, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I think this poem has more than satisfied any remaining sweet tooth.
The audio is also available on my Sound Cloud page. Thank you to all the many people who have listened to the poem there.
Sky says
Poetry is so underrated. This one is so sweet and fun!
Dorothy Rowlinson says
Miss Tootsie Roll would melt after reading this marvelous poem.
Maureen Doallas says
Sky and Dorothy,
Delighted you stopped in for a little sweet. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Britton Minor says
Now that was D E L I C I O U S !
While the branches swayed
I ate the candy bar whole
Three lemonheads fell
Connie@raise your eyes says
Dizzy-eyed
glucose rush
think I need
to rinse and brush
Tania Runyan says
Oh, wow. That was glorious. So pleased my personal favorite, Peppermint Patty, was included in the first stanza!
Dolly says
Such a sweet and fun read…Thanks, Maureen 🙂
Christa says
Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a
blog post or vice-versa? My blog goes over a lot of
the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.
If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email.
I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!