Gravel pressed through my Levis there on the cement. My hands draped over my knees and I leaned my head against the stone wall, wishing it would cool the heat climbing up my neck. This person next to me in the shade — barely half my age — she asked impossible questions as though making effortless small talk.
Looking back, it was only one question. But it felt like a full entrance exam to somewhere I wasn’t sure I wanted to go.
“I know what you have to do, ” she said. “But what do you want? What do you desire?”
My mouth opened to answer. But neither my brain nor my heart delivered up any useful vocabulary. I sealed my lips around a clump of dry air and breathed it back out in relief when another person came and sat down, carrying a generous armload of subject change.
My soul tangled itself that day at my lack of a ready answer to what seemed such a basic question of one’s existence: What do you want?
I stewed on my ignorance a while, but like many things that knot up my soul, it went its way soon enough. The conversation with my friend came back to me as I read David Whyte’s chapter on Fionn and the Salmon of Knowledge in this week’s portion of The Heart Aroused.
The story, centuries old and known throughout Ireland, goes that a young boy was raised by two druid sisters after his father’s murder. When he determined they could no longer protect him, Fionn set off into the world himself, perhaps even in search of his destiny.
Along the way, he joined up with a band of gifted young poets. Overnight, the infamous bandit Call Mac Cona slew his companions, but before being struck with the sword himself, Fionn declared his identity to the man, who immediately recognized the son of his old captain. Mac Cona took Fionn as his apprentice, teaching him everything he knew.
(There’s more to the story, of course, than my skeletal retelling here. That’s just one reason in a thousand why you might like to pick up this book one day.)
In the brutal slaying of the young poets, Whyte sees more than a terrible sword:
The first entrance of the adult male into Fionn’s life is in the guise of the slayer of youthful innocence. . . . Many of the youths [the adult world] has slain are still standing in upright positions, carrying out orders to the letter . . . (p. 153)
I know what you have to do . . .
The young poets remind us that our knowing must go deeper, must be a part of us. Whyte suggests that our soul itself must be our “inner sponsor.”
At a crucial moment, Fionn must declare his lineage, or he will be killed. He must know from whom he is descended, where his strength comes from, and what kind of blood flows in his veins. Otherwise that part of the world that has been orphaned without any training or preparation will kill him out of its own grief and alienation. (p. 154-155)
Fionn went on his way, meeting and finding favor with two kings, in both cases forced to move on when his identity became clear and the danger too great. Recalling the spirit of the previous chapter and the ways in which a well placed No can often open the way for far greater Yes, Whyte describes this “refusal of the call, ” an almost mystical sort of knowing by which the “soul chooses its time” and prevents us, if we’re paying attention, from engaging our destiny before we are ready.
Equipped with Mac Cona’s skills, he journeyed on in search of Fionngas the Seer and his deeper ways. He stumbled upon the Seer and found him roasting a salmon over the fire. Fionngas knew — though Fionn did not — that this was the Salmon of Knowledge, which he had sought for years.
Quite by accident, Fionn ate of the salmon. Upon discovering this, Fionngas recognized that for all his planning and strategizing, it was this young wanderer who would receive its gifts: “second sight” and for the Irish, the greater honor of becoming the greatest poet in the land.
Reading of Fionn, it’s easy enough to toss aside experienced strategy in favor of youthful whim and abandon. But Whyte is careful to conclude that we need both, for while Fionn was the one destined to eat the salmon, it was the old man who’d caught and prepared it.
The point is to make an equal place in the psyche for both strategy and soul. . . .[Fionn’s] breakthrough comes through a meeting of two parts that have been previously split — our vital innocence and our knowing experience. (p. 174)
Just yesterday, a wise friend said “sometimes the unexpected events are the most dear.” I know that to be true.
While I’ve worried that perhaps this frail sense of knowing my own desire might leave me short of some unknown destiny, I’m beginning to think it’s not something that, at least today, I really need to know.
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What do you think? Have you “refused the call, ” or stumbled unexpectedly into something that seems made just for you? Do you lean more toward innocence or strategy? And how do you best join them? We’re discussing The Heart Aroused: Poetry and Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America. Whether you’re reading along or just dropping in for the discussion, we’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment box. And, if you’ve posted about the book, we invite you to share your link.
Join us next Wednesday for the final chapters, 7 and 8: Coleridge and Complexity and The Soul of the World. New book club begins April 4th, featuring Rumors of Water: Thoughts on Creativity & Writing. Come along?
Photo by L.L. Barkat. Used with permission. Post by Will Willingham.
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Glynn says
My post on chapter 5 is here: http://faithfictionfriends.blogspot.com/2012/03/spear-of-fionn.html I’ll have a post on chapter 6 tomorrow. I’m more convenicned than ever that this is one of the best business books ever written.
L. L. Barkat says
I agree, Glynn. This book never ceases to make me think (and I’ve read it several times).
Will, this is so poignant. I could just feel that caught-in-your-throat response. Maybe the response is belated, but I sense this is your answer, and it’s a thoughtful one.
Will Willingham says
I can see coming back and reading this book again another day. It’s business, but it’s life.
I’m struck by how I keep finding myself in the book. And I don’t get that sense so terribly often in my reading. I imagine that’s partly timing, but I have to believe what he’s saying just tracks with life that well.
John says
I’m enjoying this very much…I’ve a rather soft spot in my heart for the man Jesus and its incredibly fascinating to look at his life in light of some of Whyte’s emphases (saying ‘no’, refusing the call, declaring identity, not rushing before it was time, etc)…plus the realization that maybe true ‘incarnation’ is this strategy/soul-earthy/divine conceiving, making room for both.
Keep up the good work…
Will Willingham says
John, I understand that soft spot. 😉 You draw an interesting connection, considering the amount of time Jesus waited before beginning “public” ministry, and even then how often he either told folks not to speak of him or slipped away before the crowd could launch a coronation. Along with everything else, he was a master of knowing the right time. His incarnation did require all of those things. It’s difficult to get away from these truths sometimes, even in a text that is not explicitly “religious.” Truth just is, I suppose.
Diana Trautwein says
“Truth just is…” Yes. Exactly.
Thanks, for your usual thoughtful reflection.
And thanks to Sara for not making the residents of the old folks’ home complete ditherers. They’re clearly way ahead of me – I had never even heard of a sestina until I started reading this website. :>)
Kimberlee Conway Ireton says
Your line “a generous armload of subject change”–delightful. Made me laugh.
Once again, your thoughtful response to this book make me want to read it myself. In the meantime, I’m enjoying getting to eavesdrop on the conversations around the book that are happening here in the comments. 🙂
L. L. Barkat says
Diana, I told you Sara loves those who are ahead of her. 🙂 She wouldn’t do anything BUT make them delightful and clever. Even if she does have to teach some how to write a sestina 😉
Megan Willome says
I stumbled into “something made just for me” this week. And it will require sacrifice. There is much to be afraid of, but it might lead to a little poetry. Perhaps. I hadn’t linked it to the fish tale, but it does involve the country that tale comes from.